ALEXANDER WOLSKY FOR DISTRICT 7
"HOW HARD CAN IT BE"
I am Alexander Wolsky. “Mayor” of Crofton and candidate for Anne Arundel County Council District 7. I have a high school degree from South River High School and have dropped out of college three times. I was a pretty alright volunteer firefighter and EMT for four years until I got really into rock and roll in my early twenties. I have not paid for a haircut in eight years. My two kids and wife have made it clear they do not want any part of this campaign, whatsoever. I was raised in Crofton, Maryland and used to be super sick on the bike jumps behind Jason Court in the early 2000s. Won the 2005 County Football Championship as the starting center for the Crofton Cardinals. I am easily a better bass player than Mike Huckabee. I look forward to meeting you soon!
I SWEAR TO DONATE 50% OF ALL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS AND COUNTY COUNCIL SALARY TO CHARITY FOR THE ENTIRETY OF MY CAMPAIGN AND TERM
I SWEAR TO ONLY SERVE A SINGLE TERM
COVID-19 and the economic fallout have devastated so many families. Daily life as we know it has changed. For some, it will never be the same. We will Bring back strong tourism with the reintroduction of the SnakeHead fish into our culture that made this once great republic Famous!
I remember a time when Anne Arundel County was on the national stage. More specifically my home of Crofton. And that time was the time of the Snakehead. As councilman I will push to not only make the snakehead fish the county mascot, but to create a snakehead fish economy through snakehead fish tourism.
We need to keep our elderly people lit. Full stop. I will push to have every citizen over 60 as well as all veterans in the county automatically eligible to buy marijuana. In addition, I will propose quarterly Sadie Hawkins Dances for all 60+ citizens of the county. Alcohol will be discouraged because they will all hopefully getting stoned instead. Which is much safer especially at that age. We’re hoping the veterans will also be chill enough to let us use VFW halls because they are also stoned.
I will introduce legislation to bar the touching of the arm and/or any other part of the body by chubby men in button up shirts upon waitresses, waiters, bartenders and others. They also can’t request margaritaville anymore. Like seriously stop.
None of you seem to know about Taylor Ham and honestly I just need you to try it once
Arena Football. A cornerstone of American culture, has fallen. The only active Arena Football league exists in CHINA. Unacceptable. I will push to have the Arena Football League revived right here in Anne Arundel County. We have the fields. We have the fans. Now we need the courage to take Arena Football back from the Chinese.
I feel like I can speak for everyone when I say that I’m tired of being tugged around! Our current representatives lack the ability to just get after it and are content with just tuggin us around! The Rain Tax Mafia who REFUSED to return any of my emails are tuggin me around! As councilman I promise to quit tuggin you around and I will encourage my fellow council members to quit tuggin people around as well.
New County Flag. Possibly digital.